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The power of faith

March 13, 2013

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Throughout a cancer journey, there are many words you hope your doctors say to you and many words you pray you never hear. You try to keep somewhat neutral, neither ecstatic or broken, attempting to balance in the middle of a sea raging in emotions. I feel it is a fine line- a thin line between darkness and light, one you must walk along very carefully, never falling completely to one side.
The words you pray you never hear are easy to imagine, such as…
“The cancer has spread”
“There is no hope for you to be cured”
“We can’t predict how the cancer will respond to treatment”
“The odds are not good”
or the most dreaded words….
“We will try to keep you comfortable, but there is nothing else we can do for you.”

Interestingly enough, I have heard all of the above over the past 12 months. You try to have faith that the doctors know the best course of action. You try to have faith that you will be part of the 3% that beat the odds. You try to have faith that one day very soon they WILL find a cure.

What I have learned throughout this journey, is that the single, most important thing, is to truly have faith in yourself- trust that you are making the right decisions, NEVER give up and believe that no matter what happens, your soul will survive even if your body does not.

The Words you wish to hear

These words are easy to imagine, yet for me, these words are much harder to believe. I think these words are less tangible, why that is, I am trying to figure out. I pray to hear these words, yet in order to believe in them will take a huge leap of trust and faith. Words such as…
“you are NED”
“We think there is a cure on the horizon”
“We may be able to get it all”
“The pain, it is temporary”
Or the most coveted words…”Your cancer is gone.”

How do they know? How can they be sure? How can you process these words and believe in them? What if you celebrate these accomplishments and then a few months from now it comes back and knocks you down even harder?

I have been trying to figure out how to balance and walk this line between darkness and light…carefully assuming things can go in many different directions, many different times. I have learned that the key to remain comfortably on the line, is to remind myself to live in the present moment. To focus solely on today. This, I know, is not an original thought- yet it is something most people fail to do. We are always caught up in the past, or thinking about our future.

With cancer, you can not let yourself get caught in this cycle. You need to stay in the present.
You need to take a moment, close your eyes and listen to your breath- you are breathing- In this moment, In this PRESENT moment. Right there, is a miracle and a gift to celebrate in itself. Just take one minute a day to do this, and your perspective of what life is, becomes so simple yet so extraordinary.

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4 Comments
  1. Debbie Pachuta permalink

    I can’t even imagine how you must have felt hearing those words. You are the bravest person I know.

    Like

  2. nanette costello permalink

    You are an amazing person and my heart heart for you as I read how this journey has been for you.LUV U. Nanette

    Like

  3. Julie permalink

    The power of NOW is an extraoridinary and often forgot gift.

    Like

  4. Brian Sheehan permalink

    You are an inspiration!! I am so moved by your words and your journey. I took this journey with my father and I connected with so many of your thoughts. Cannot wait to see you in Rome! I wish I could find the words to say to express how much I respect and admire you, Kristen!! Keep fighting!! You are strong!!

    Like

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