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Scott Henry

February 4, 2014

The moments that move us, the moments that shape us, the moments that touch our hearts and warm our souls…..these moments are forever etched into who we are. When I think of Scott, our time together was full of these moments. He was one of the rare people in life, who in my eyes, turned everything he touched into gold.

Many people have said,”You were so young, how do you know it was love?” Or they have said, “Maybe the memory of your time with him is not actually the reality of your time together.” Well, if you knew Scott, really knew him, or really knew us….well, you would never ask those questions.

When Scott walked into a room, the world stopped for me. When he looked into my eyes, he truly touched my soul. We often spoke of the sheer beauty of this feeling we shared. One day, we spoke about what would happen to our bodies if we died and he said to me, “Make sure they know you want donate everything to others, except your eyes. They lead to your soul, and you should never give that away.”

The last time I looked into his eyes, that moment, has stayed with me all these years. The next day, as I raced to his hospital room, I sat with him and prayed. I prayed to look into those beautiful blue eyes again. I prayed for him to look into mine, and save my soul. I never had the chance. Those five days, waiting for him to open his eyes, were the longest, darkest days of my life.

There have been times when I have wondered,”What if I had never met him? What if I had never loved him?” In one way, I would have escaped the only heartbreak I ever truly had. On the other hand, I would have missed out on the greatest love I have ever had as well. What we had, the love we shared, it was that once in a lifetime kind of love. Many people in life may never feel that kind of love. For many people, that kind of love is only a dream. For me…well for me, I feel blessed to have had it. Even though I was young, even though our time together ended too soon, the moments I had with Scott, I would never give up. I just wish to God we were given the chance to have a million more moments together.

In all these years, I have rarely shared my memories of Scott with others. I hold them sacred and keep them close to my heart. But at this time in my life, at the crossroads I am facing, I want to make sure the universe hears my words…and keeps the memory of our love alive.

I have always believed that one day, I will see him again. One day, I will once again look into those beautiful bright blue eyes. Someone recently asked me, “What if this cancer kills you? Aren’t you afraid to die?” Well, first of all, I don’t believe this cancer is going to kill me. I have a lot of life left to live and a lot more stories that are yet to be written. For the second question, I can honestly answer and say I am not afraid of dying. I may be fearful of the process, but I know it is all written, and it will all be ok. In all my raw honesty, I can share one fear I do have- which is that after all these years believing there is something after this life, and believing Scott is somewhere beautiful, what if, when I ultimately close my eyes, he is not there, and all that is there, is darkness?

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