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Looking back

June 1, 2014

Yesterday, a friend asked me, “if you were able to go back in time, and give the little girl you once were some advice for her future life, what would you say?”
As she finished her sentence, all the air left my lungs and I could not find my breath. I closed my eyes and saw myself running towards her, wrapping my arms around her and trying to find a way to hold her tight enough that I could protect her forever.
After a few minutes, as the tears rolled down my cheeks, I thought about everything I needed to say to her and everything I wouldn’t want her to know.
I would tell her to be brave.
I would tell her to hold on.
I would tell her that no matter what storm arrives on the horizon, she needs to remember that even if there is nowhere close to hide, she needs to believe she can find shelter.
She needs to believe the storm will pass.
She needs to know that even if the rain is pouring down, the people who truly love her will stand by her no matter how scary the thunder is or how dangerous the lighting becomes.
I would tell her that it is of dire importance to hold on and cherish those people in her life and that it is equally important to let the people who ran for cover without looking back…it is equally important to let those people go no matter how hard it is to do.
I would tell her that no matter what lies in her path, the one thing that matters most is how she handles both the obstacles and the blessings.
I would then tell her if I could protect her from the suffering and pain that lies ahead I would move mountains to do so.
I would then tell her that even though there may be darkness, there is also incredible light, and if the darkness begins to consume you, you must fight even harder to get back to the light.
When I look at her, in all her innocence, I can’t help but feel my heart break. I can’t help but start to cry. I can’t help but wish I could be her once again, if only for a moment.
The last thing I would tell her, is that you have absolutely no idea how strong you will become. You have no idea how brave you truly are. You have no idea how blessed you are to have your family and how blessed you will be to have the most incredible angels above holding your hand and pulling you along in those moments when you feel to weak to take the next step.

From → breathe, cancer, life

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